jokes

i need some relaxation,this period i'm stressed and i also had a very sad dream about tabaluga&co. tonight,but i don't feel like telling,so i decided to open this thread.here you can write all the jokes you want to make the other users smile.
i hope you'll like these:

a teacher gives her pupils a strange homework:they have to turn on the radio twice and the tv the same number of times.
pierino goes home,turns on the radio and hears:teachers are bad!teachers are bad!
then the tv:zorro,zorro,zorro...
then the radio again:by the stroller by chicco!
and then the tv again:i'll rise again
the next day he goes to school.
teacher:pierino,did you do your homework?
pierino:teachers are bad!teachers are bad!
teacher:who do you think you are?!!?
pierino:zorro,zorro,zorro...
teacher:look to it that i take you to the principal!
pierino:by the stroller by chicco!
teacher:look to it that i kill you!
pierino:i'll rise again

an american engineer comes back from a congress in italy and shows his wife a photo of the tower of pisa.
the woman looks at it a bit,then says:"you were drunk as usual,weren't you?"

the plaintiff lawyer and the counsel for the defence insult each other before the judge.
"you're a fool!" one of them says.
"and you're an idiot!" the other one answers.
"good," the judge intervenes "now that you introduced yourselves we can begin."

ciccio meets gigio with a huge book under his arm.
-what are you doing with that book?
-i found it on the ground,now i want to give it back to its owner!
-and who's the owner?
-a guy i don't know,anyway his name is written here,up on the book-cover:alessandro manzoni!

hehe *lol* these are nice jokes ^^ I like the first and the last one best xD unfortunately I don't know any jokes right now (and even if I did, they would just be funny when you understand german) As soon as I hear a good joke in english, I'll post it here. What a nice thread

i need to divert my mind again...i increase the quantity:
giacomo and marisa just had a baby called ciro.giacomo goes to the hospital to see him.he goes up to the "wonderful babies" department and asks:
-i'm ciro's dad,is ciro here?
-no,i'm sorry.try downstairs.
"beautiful babies" department:
-i'm ciro's dad,is ciro here?
-no,i'm sorry.try downstairs.
"pretty babies" department:
-i'm ciro's dad,is ciro here?
-no,i'm sorry.try downstairs.
"cute babies" department:
-i'm ciro's dad,is ciro here?
-no,i'm sorry.try downstairs.
"a bit cute babies" department:
-i'm ciro's dad,is ciro here?
-no,i'm sorry.try downstairs.
"average babies" department:
-i'm ciro's dad,is ciro here?
-no,i'm sorry.try downstairs.
"a bit ugly babies" department:
-i'm ciro's dad,is ciro here?
-no,i'm sorry.try downstairs.
"ugly babies" department:
-i'm ciro's dad,is ciro here?
-no,i'm sorry.try downstairs.
"very ugly babies" department:
-i'm ciro's dad,is ciro here?
-no,i'm sorry.try downstairs.
"horrible babies" department:
-i'm ciro's dad,is ciro here?
-no,i'm sorry.try downstairs.
"freaks of nature" department:
-i'm ciro's dad,is ciro here?
-no,i'm sorry.try downstairs.
giacomo is desperate and thinks "what kind of baby did i have?!!?",then goes downstairs and finds an arrow with the name ciro.

two friends at the seaside.the first one says:-do you know what average people can afford with the salary of a month and we can't?
the second one,thoughtful:-no,i don't know.
-a pair of boots;and do you know what average people can afford with the salary of two months and we can't?
the second one,more and more thoughtful:-no,i really don't know.
-two pairs of boots!you'll surely guess this:do you know what's that winged,moist,yellow,small animal always staying in a cage?
the second one,self-confident:-this time you don't swindle me!the answer is three pairs of boots!!!

the great master(who is more than 3000 years old according to his faithfuls)lives in a temple on the hill with his invaluable treasures.
a pilgrim from a town far away prostrates himself before him and says:
"my lord,what's a century in your opinion?"
"a minute" he answers with his feeble voice.
"what about a milliard?"
"a cent"
"my lord,give me a cent!"
"wait a minute"

illustrious professor,
in this letter you will find a 250 euros cheque i take the liberty of sending you in settlement of your honorarium.while i thank you for your cures which were very useful to get over my deplorable psychic exhaustion,i beg you to believe me,forever,your grateful and very devoted napoleon IV